Hometown Blues


Back home for a few days.
Going for a beer.

The pub we started our pub crawls in is now flats.
The bar we met in is now a nursery.
The place we went for our first date is too.

Whole town gave up the booze.
Started making babies.
Cut out the middle part.

Must be something in the water.

So I bought a carry-out.
Found a seat.
Police moved me on.
No outdoor drinking.

Old neighbour recognised me at the bus stop.
Shook my hand.
“You look exactly the same.
Just fatter.
Much fatter.”

“Thanks, ya arsehole,” I smiled.
“You too.”

What can you do.

Hometown blues.



(C) Paul Andrew Sneddon

Me and the Rain

Open the window at 4am.
Listen to the rain
falling on the window.

The street.
The parked cars.
The garden chair
I left out last night.

Sit in the glow
of the streetlight.

Just listen.

Hear a car race up the street.
Too fast.

Then it fades.

And I’m left with the sound
of the rain.

The smell drifting in
through the window.

Pick up my guitar.
Quietly picking out a chord.

Me and the rain.

© Paul Andrew Sneddon

River

Content warning: this piece contains themes of depression and suicidal ideation.

If you or someone you know is struggling, support is available:
Samaritans — 116 123 (UK, 24/7, free)
International crisis lines — http://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/

A story about survival.

— Paul





The wind cuts across the field.
The old gatehouse shadowed against the dying sun.

Not a soul here.

On a Tuesday night in March.

The water looks dark.
Cold.
Deeper than I thought.
Deeper than I remember.

I look around the sides.
There is a path leading down.
Into the water.
The current.

All the way to the sea.

I watch the water for a while.
The wind rolls across, so it looks like it’s going the wrong way.

Debris and wood piled against the bridge.
Looks like the beavers have got ambitious.
Building skyscrapers.
I laugh.
Like something escaping.

Funny how we are drawn to water.

I’ve been thinking about walking down to the river all day.

All week.

Yesterday, I found an excuse not to come here.
Something drawing me here.

I followed a feeling.
It led me here.

But my brain, started quoting my writing back to me.

“I am of the earth, but not yet the earth.”

Ah, fuck. I wrote that?

I don’t remember.
Shit.

I did.

“Get up, you son of a bitch, get up, because I love you.”

Life is more than just me.
I am more than myself.
But just a man.

Flesh.
Blood.

A cold beer on a Saturday.

Well, did you mean them or not?
Are you out here playing?
Is this a fucking joke?

No.

This is who I am.
This is where I will live and die.

Here.

On this page.
In this town.
With these people.
With these thoughts.

The river.
The sky.
The moon sneaking on the stage.

I light up a smoke.
I run my hand over my face, the rough skin.

I sit.

In the yellow light of the streetlight.
A procession.
Slow.

A band, just accordion,
bass,
a guitar part snaking through.

Like the crowd that follows.
Carrying a coffin.
A woman crying.
Carrying a rose.

And a few that follow…
Just a few.
They nod as they pass.

The woman takes the rose.
Throws it into the water. 
She looks at me.
I can’t look her in the face.
Her eyes burn through me.

She turns.
I watch as they disappear into the woods.

I sit in the orange glow.
Streetlights.
I can hear the river run.
I hold up my hands.

What are these hands?
What are they for?

They work.
I work.
Work to do.

The wind cuts across the field.
The old gatehouse shadowed against the dying sun.

(c) Paul Andrew Sneddon

Night Shift

Eddie drove down the main road, music playing loud. He was sure he was the only guy in Ayrshire playing 90s rock down the back roads.

Definitely the only one still using  CDs.

What was it they called his favourite bands now?
Classic rock.

Fuck off.

Jean had been saying,
“Why not just go the whole way and get it on cassette?
Get with the times.”

Cheeky.

Somehow her Idlewild t-shirt still fit.

When he left she was ironing her uniform.
Humming along to some pop song.
He’d be able to pick her up in the morning.

He checked the app. 
No bookings.

He tapped his fingers as the band hit the groove.

The car smelt like perfume and aftershave, and sweat and booze.

The last couple had started doing a line in the backseat. He’d punted them out on the corner.

He drove and drove.
Through the streets.
The little villages.
Five houses and a pub.

Back into town.

The old pub. Where they used to jam.
Bass.
Guitar.
Drums.

The music going round and round.

He switched off the app.
Leaned back into the seat.
He sang.
He laughed.

Drove past the crowds outside the pub.
Stopped and got some chips.

Sat down by the shore.
Till the sun came up.

(c) Paul Andrew Sneddon

Two Ghosts

Photo by Ebuen Clemente Jr on Unsplash

The waiter brought the mug from the front bar, just like the singer had requested: half full of white wine. The crowd was different through here, the buzz of the front bar seemed another world.

He left the mug by the piano and smiled at the singer.

She was sitting by the window, singing about some arsehole who had ripped her off. The little crowd in the back room was half watching, half studying their phones. They weren’t here for her, but when she hit the chorus and her voice lifted…

They stopped.
They looked up.
A few smiled.
A head nodded.

And then.

Then they went back to their coffee.
Their phones.
Their conversations.

But she played on, a strand of her hair falling down over her face.

She played: G down to E. And sang: “The blue lights are shining tonight.” And again: “Sometimes we rise. Two souls in the light.”

She settled the notes down.
To the major, the minor, fourth, and back.

She whispered, “Sometimes we fall.”

She heard another voice. She turned around.
It was Frankie, from the front bar.
Everyone else was gone.

She smiled.

His voice, baritone.

She played it again, and he sat by her at the piano. She played the chords gently. Swooping down low and rising back up.

He placed his hand by the keys, at the top of the piano.
His fingers were rough.
Worn.
A lifetime of work.

She played round the chord progression.
And this time he played a few notes.
Like footsteps in the snow.

“Sometimes we fall. Sometimes we rise.”

The music got stronger.
Their voices connected, rising together.
He laughed.

She smiled.

She looked out the window.
Saw the people on the street.
A few heard the music.
Looked up.
Smiled.
Or shook their heads.

At the two ghosts.
Playing,
just for themselves,
just because they could.

© Paul Andrew Sneddon