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Standup Santa

This Story Contains Adult Humour I’ve been practicing all week: pen and paper, sitting at the little desk in the back room with a window out onto the garden and the bins. I sat listening to the rain on the glass. I’d been watching some of those YouTube videos with comedians doing their hour. I’mContinue reading “Standup Santa”

Christmas Flu

Everyone in my house had the Christmas Flu last year. It’s cold outside, minus three,but my temperature’s busting the mercury,flu at Christmas, what’s the chances,no mistletoe and no dances. Family is on the way, turn the car around,feel like I’m six feet underground.I’d love to see you,but I’d have to leave you. Duvet and hotContinue reading “Christmas Flu”

The General: Kings Visit

The General leaned back in his chair and ran his hand through his hair. A loud voice was playing from his old CD player. ‘You are a great leader.’ ‘You are cool under pressure.’ ‘You are decisive.’ ‘I am Alexander the Great,’ he muttered. He sighed. He looked round the cramped office. Alexander the GreatContinue reading “The General: Kings Visit”

The Five Sightings of Santa

A short piece of dark Christmas humour. First Sighting Christmas Santa uses the chimney.This one comes through your open window. Drinks your booze.Steals your presents and strolls out the front door like he owns the place. Police are looking for a fat man in a red suit.Last seen heading up the high street with aContinue reading “The Five Sightings of Santa”

Early Morning Song

I’m going to wake early in the morning. Before the sun. Before the people.Drag myself from my bed. I’m going to drive down to the beach, near where the river meets the sea. I’m going to walk.Feel the cold air.The December rain.The wind in my face. Watch the water breaking on the shore. Listen toContinue reading “Early Morning Song”