humour – Paul Andrew Sneddon

Hometown Blues

Back home for a few days.Going for a beer. The pub we started our pub crawls in is now flats.The bar we met in is now a nursery.The place we went for our first date is too. Whole town gave up the booze.Started making babies.Cut out the middle part. Must be something in the water.Continue reading “Hometown Blues”

The Five Sightings of Santa

A short piece of dark Christmas humour. First Sighting Christmas Santa uses the chimney.This one comes through your open window. Drinks your booze.Steals your presents and strolls out the front door like he owns the place. Police are looking for a fat man in a red suit.Last seen heading up the high street with aContinue reading “The Five Sightings of Santa”

Election Season

Ah, fuck. It’s election season. That means our lesser-spotted representatives will be turning up in the neighbourhood. Only time you see them. I’ve put the old boy’s socialist sign back in the window. There’s a knock at the door. I look through the blinds. There is a guy standing there. All flash. New suit. HairContinue reading “Election Season”

The Book Arms Race

Why is it you always see people being interviewed on the telly or YouTube or whatever, and it’s always in front of a tonne of books?Lined up perfectly on a shelf. We get it.You’re smart.You read a lot. Or do you? Twenty copies of the same self-help book.Some pristine. Unopened. Like virgin snow. I’m sureContinue reading “The Book Arms Race”

Shelter From the Storm (and the bins) or Bin-nado

It went from a yellow alert to an amber alert to a red alert. Danger to life. A little too quickly. The fearless one is away to work. Healthcare. You don’t really have a choice. I’m sitting here and the wind is howling down the chimney. I hear a crash and a bash. Pulling backContinue reading “Shelter From the Storm (and the bins) or Bin-nado”